5 signs that someone is stressed out from school + 3 strategies to cope

5 min readJul 30, 2021

Although Singapore’s education system tops the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) charts, it is no secret that it can be like a pressure cooker when it comes to stress. Learning to cope with stress in a healthy way is crucial to survive and thrive at school. How then do you tell if your friend / child is becoming too stressed from school? Here are a few tell-tale signs to watch out for.

1. Change in eating habits

If your child starts to pick at his / her meals and skip recess or lunch, it may be a sign that he / she is too stressed out to eat. The other extreme may sometimes happen as well — when one starts to overeat and binge on snacks as a coping mechanism.

Encourage your child to regulate his / her food intake by eating three proper meals a day, including breakfast. Only snack if hungry in between meals. Try not to allow snacking out of boredom. From my personal experience, this happens all too often. [As a current Year 1 University student and graduate from Raffles Institution (Junior College), I did indulge in a lot of snacking especially when I took the GCE ‘A’ Levels in 2019. Ahem.]

2. Different sleeping patterns

Stress often shows up in one’s sleeping habits. If your child begins to have trouble falling asleep or refuses to get out of bed in the morning, and this behaviour persists for more than a week, it is likely that something may have happened. Insomnia is one of the hallmark symptoms of anxiety and depression. Apart from a lack of sleep, looking exhausted or “panda-eyed” even after a sufficient amount of time in bed is also a red flag.

On the other end of the spectrum, if your child is sleeping a lot more than usual and still seems lethargic, it could be due to academic burnout as well.

3. Social withdrawal

Another common sign is if your child is withdrawing from social activities and not interacting with his / her friends as much. This is especially so if your child is an extrovert by nature and not usually shy. It is possible that your child could be too tired to spend time with his / her friends, or too troubled about something.

4. Losing interest in hobbies

No longer taking part in sports, music or other pastimes that they used to enjoy is concerning for anyone. For children in primary school, this is a cause for investigation. It could signal physical health problems or mental health issues. Possible reasons include bullying, an underlying chronic health condition or the onset of mental health problems e.g. social anxiety / depression / psychosis.

5. Unexplained mood swings

If your bundle of sunshine is uncharacteristically gloomy, something is probably up. Moreover, if your teenage daughter seems grumpier than the usual Pre/Post Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) that females are often wrongly or rightly said to have, you should probably find out what happened. Children have an innate desire to share happy things in their lives with their family and friends. If they keep to themselves all the time, even if they are introverts, they could be hiding a secret or harbouring feelings of shame and low self-esteem.

After identifying that something may be wrong, what then is the next step?

First, try not to confront your child directly, especially if your child does not usually talk to you about their problems. Instead, observe first.

Second, ask his or her teachers and friends for feedback. Identify major events that happened in the family or in your child’s class / CCA / social circle. Sometimes, children take the passing of a loved one very hard and grieve in silence. Personally, I took five years to come to terms with my paternal grandfather’s death. Even more than five years later in 2021, I still feel a deep sense of loss sometimes when I reflect. Perhaps this is because I am the oldest of 7 grandchildren and I feel the responsibility to serve my family duty as the older daughter and eldest grandchild. Similarly, your older children could feel responsible for events over which they have no control, such as a loved one’s mental illness, a grandparent’s dementia or battle with cancer. In such trying times, be a pillar of support. Have open conversations at the family dining table. Children feel a lot more reassured when they are told about what doctors Grandpa / Grandma is seeing, even if they themselves are clueless about what a stroke / malignant tumour is.

Third, protect Family Time. This should be treated as non-negotiable time set aside for the family to have a meal together or go out to the nearby park or shopping centre as a family unit. Children should not be allowed to have their eyes glued to their phones or electronic devices during this time. Similarly, parents should refrain from checking their work email and messages. This signals to the family that family is the top priority and that other work or school-related matters can wait.